Tag Archives: Not yourself

Diary Entry -Reflection on 21/12/2013

For the First time in my life, I found myself the inconsiderate one,

Generally its me, who has to put up with my friends, Inconsiderate behavior (ie smoking around me (I don’t smoke), inviting me to something basically just to use me as a chauffeur or the worst one ‘expecting me to participate in drinking games with a communal cup, just because everyone else there is’. 1st off I hardly drink and then only the light stuff, secondly I’m driving home afterwards, and thirdly ‘a shared cup’ that’s just so amazingly unhygienic.

Up till this point in my life, I’ve always considered myself the sane/considerate one, however one evening that all changed. I’ve always known I’m a bit or grump when i’m tired “who isn’t” and that I tend to rant on an on a bit about trivial things at times, but I’d never noticed myself being truly inconsiderate before this particular outing. worst of all, I didn’t pick up on it right away.

I have no excuse, I was extremely out of what I consider to be “my character” on this day.

Diary Entry -Reflection on 21/12/2013 Part Two “The Cause”

Sure I’d had a pint of beer before hand, and the heat of summer was getting to me. (erratic sleep, less appetite, not drinking enough water etc).
But nothing I consider a valid excuse for the way I behaved/acted with my friend that day.

So I started looking at other potential causes.

1. Learning to Lead: Perhaps I was being too assertive, My friend if anything is both shyer and more reserved than me, so for a change I found myself in a ‘alpha’ /lead role. This year trying to learn how to lead for the first time has and still is quite challenging. (apparently if you don’t want too remain a single guy all your life, at some point your going to have to learn to lead, women expect it.)

2. Problem Solving/Correcting All My life I’ve enjoyed solving puzzles, problems as well as pointing out glaring errors or things that don’t add up. Generally I am helping someone or at-least not doing anyone any harm with my observations (ie pointing out an error in a piece of writing or art) “perhaps I was too critical”.

Diary Entry -Reflection on 21/12/2013 Part Three “Realization”

Confidence: Another thing I’ve been working on in the later half of this year, for a similar reason to leadership. With increased confidence I am finding it easier to express an opinion, especially those contrary to ones just raised, however it appears this comes with unforeseen and previously unseen drawbacks.

Diet Change: for the first 26 years of my life I’ve kept an abysmal diet, I struggle to put on weight, so was always skinny but now I found myself wanting to gain weight “muscle mostly” so have changed my diet drastically and begun exercising for that reason.

Subconsciously now I somehow feel ‘superior’ to people that don’t exercise or eat properly and then complain how they can’t do or wear certain things because of the their figure or level of fitness. “Was this life overhaul making me less sympathetic to worries of people that didn’t ? (ie: me for 26 years”) Yes I believe it was ‘now that I realized just how easy it was’ I expected everyone to do it at some level and this fact scares me.